I was Thinking, or Not

At some point you come to realize that most your life was spent thinking you were creative, and the truth was hidden because the people you count on to be honest are not.  If there is anything I learned from all these years wasted, it is that you can not trust the judgement of anyone, they all have their reasons to lie. At least I can still do manual labor, but even that is rather outdated as the age of mechanism is upon us.  The more I think about it, the more I wonder why did I waste so much time, when I could have been such a good ditch digger.  Now there is nothing but waiting for whatever happens when I have no purpose.  I do not think I care enough to wonder too much. Peace JD

Bethesda must be under a lot of pressure to release the Elderscolls 6, especially after the debacle that Fallout 76, is and Fallout 4 was.  They have been so focused on trying to make some type of micro-transaction system work, that they lost track of the goal of just make great games. With the cash they had they should have bought a couple of the mid grade developers from the app world, and then they could have gotten on the app train.  It is too late for that now, and they just do not have the in-house talent to get it done it seems. So that leaves them with little option but to get back to the work they know they can do, making great games.  At least that is the thought of a reasonable person.  The trouble is the people that are at the top of the industry are not and have never been gamers.  They just do not have a handle on what makes a great game.    All they understand is charts of profit and loss.  They see other companies making mon...

Always take care of business first.  Even when dealing with friends, always take care of any business first.  Then you can sit back and do whatever else you want.

I think to much, sometimes.  I know, how is that possible.  Well I can tell you it is.  Sometimes it is better to just let shit happen, and sort out the details afterwards.  However that too can lead to unwanted consequences.  Finding some balance is not often easy.  That is or should be the goal, to find balance between cognitive constipation and irrational impulse. Bad habits multiply, so why does it seem that good habits seem to divide?  I do not know why, but that does appear to be the law of distraction.  Kind of wish the law of attraction worked half as well.  Once in the downward spiral, it becomes difficult if not impossible to show the momentum.  On the other hand, when climbing up, it seems there is no end to the work against falling down. I know there is a breaking point somewhere, and I know I've been there, but getting over that, is an effort most are unwilling or unable to do.  Then there are those that seem to perse...

I feel like I was a bit bitter towards the Lifehacker site.  Not that it matters, they will never see my blog, and no one else will read it, so while those fuckers will make another 10k on their post about how terrible they feel about something, or how they are upset because they didn't get their package from Amazon in two days, I will remain anonymous.  Which is fine by me, I have better things to do than give a shit about such things.  Just sometimes I feel the need to say something, even if I know it won't make one bit of difference. Ok, said my peace, off the box now and back to the same old bs I usually post that no one reads. Peace JD

https://lifehacker.com/amazon-primes-promise-of-two-day-delivery-is-dying-1831235107 Everyday I see some article bashing Amazon because they are a horrible company for (insert reason of choice here).  Now I am no fan of Amazon, but I am a prime member.  I have been a prime member pretty much since that service has been offered by Amazon.  I don't even use it all that much.  I buy a few things here and there, just like I but things her and there from Walmart.  If I wanted to be some type of elitist who sticks my pampered nose up at any low end retailer, yea both of the aforementioned retailers would be in my list, along with several others.  I am not, I am a realist in this respect. I buy stuff I need, and I love on a fixed income (trying to fix that) so I shop at such places because they fit the budget I have.  I also do not want to waste a lot of fuel going from market to market trying to get the things I need. Enough of my shit, now about Amazon b...

In the near future I am just going to travel around reviewing old taverns and inns.  I am going to start in upstate NY area, before branching out into wider areas. Of course I will have to wait until I get my license thing taken care of.  I got a bunch of fine and other things to pay off yet.  Then they is the issue of the transmission on the trailblazer.  Those are relatively minor issues, once I can get some cash stashed. I've got a storage unit full of stuff to sell, a wood stove, lots of smalls, and books.  Who reads books anymore?  What with readers from Amazon and others, ebooks are pretty much the thing.  Most of the book stores are gone, at least as far as I know.  There might be a couple of big ones left, but the little nook type places have completely disappeared.  Maybe in my travels I will do a small bit on hidden book stores too. Yes so before I went on that rant about book stores I was trying to say, I have a lot of stuff to ...

I was thinking of starting a blog, but I am not sure about what.  Seems there are a lot of them out there already, so I feel like I would just be one of millions.  How could I differentiate my blog from all the rest? I think it is a lot of hard work.  First off if you blog even twice a week, you have to create content every week.  Then you have to work the social networks, like Twitter .  To make any money, not a lot of money but any money at all, you should have an affiliate account, like Amazon or commission junction.  Then you have to build readership, you need subscribers to build brand. Mostly you have to blog about a niche someone, well a lot of someones, want to read about.  Then you have to consistently write about that niche at least a couple times a week. Then the social networks.  You have to post your post to the social networks.  I've heard good things about Instagram.  I do not own a smart phone, or any phone for that m...

Lots of stuff went on today.  I got new glasses, bi-focals.  Apparently I am going blind. We went to Shamir's and spent way too much of our holiday money on feta that is to die for, and black cardamom seeds.  Then I bought cloves and all the rest of the fixings for hot buttered rum. The people at the liquor store were great.  I haven't purchased a spot of liquor in many years, and many of the brands have changed.  They provided me with a reasonable priced rum.  I have tasted it, and I do think it will work perfectly in our cocktail.  So far I think they have done me a great service. I used to know much more, but now I am just as lost as, well I was never this lost, but at least now I can see. We'll see how this goes, I will be trying to make them tomorrow. Peace JD

I am trying to post a little more, yet I still hate swipe.  I guess hate is really to strong a word.  I just do not feel like it is the same as writing.  I especially like the feel of a fine nib as it snatches out words on the page.  It is almost like I am engraving the paper with the pen, only easier. All in, I am waiting, for the light.  Not much else to do, just sit here, and watch more videos.  I can see a future for us, as slim as it is, it exist.  I like to think of the future, yet sometimes I think is there any future for us really?  I am never prepared for the worst, because no matter what happens it could always be worse.  How do you plan for that? In the meantime; I wait, I think, yea soon, not real soon, but soon, we will get a break, and the ridiculousness will finally cease to plague us. What nonsense is this, man you can tell I haven't had enough coffee.  I will try to post something more better later. Peace JD

Today is a good day, so far.  It remains to be seen how much actually gets done.  Just drinking coffee, thinking about the weather, and wishing I was somewhere else. Load up the trailer, hook up the truck, get it all done before anyone else can say what, where or why. I don't think so well in swipe.  My thoughts flow much better in ink, I think.  Still I'm trying to make it work. I really just want a place for my dogs to run without threat of death or bothering anyone.  Where can I go where we can be left alone.  Where can we go, where we can have some friends over for a nice dinner and maybe a bit of brandy afterwards? These are the thoughts that run through my head.  I don't think to much about tomorrow.  If only I can achieve some sense of peace.  Some place to call home, that is all we want, without the hassle from the neighbors, or local bureaucrats. A hot shower, some clean clothes, a stove that works, maybe even a little space to...

I wonder who you are, where your entitlement comes from?  What commission have you been given?  What righteous indignation do you justify your actions.  Why do you carry that cross? There is no greater calling than the goodness of man.  While I am not the bearer of such greatness within my own self as well, I recognize the lack thereof.  The gain is unknown to me.  I know not your pain and suffering.  It must be of some immense transgression that your pretty hatred stems. I will not be the bearer of your stone.  I will not been my knee to your desperation.  Your decision is an ill gotten infection of your own inadequate capability to function somehow.  I will not lie in such mire.  For this is not the truth, and I shall not be the panacea for your perceived negligence. JD

All you fuckers should have left me alone.  I am going to enjoy this too much.  I did not start the fire, but I am going to feed it, she is a hungry beast. Ah, the challenge, well not really much of one, but oh the thought of burying these fuckers just made my year. Thank you, JD

Fuck this world, it is not worth the effort to try any more.  I am much too old to give a shit, and there is very little time left to make a difference. Thank you, JD

The other day my wife said I still have to get you a Christmas gift.  Out of hand I said, don't worry about it. Now that I think about it, I can not think of one thing I want or need really.  No, really, I can not think of one thing, one trinket that I would desire. I am thinking, what would be nice?  A pint of warm stout, a pipe of Cavendish, on a sofa, with my wife, the dogs, and a nice warm fire, with some sweet low-fi jazz on playing softly in the background.  I think a nice evening of peaceful retreat from the insanity that is this f'd up life. If you could wish for just one thing, just one simple thing, what would it be?  Medical technology that brings health back to my wife, so her life would not be a struggle to breathe.  To meet up with my old friends just one more time before memory wipes away all traces of their names from my memory. I just can not think of anything.  Maybe, just a quiet end to my evening would be the best thing I could ...

How can a company take the same ingredients and make such an interior product? I have purchased Great Value pasta from Walmart several times, hoping that perhaps the first few times it was a fluke.  No, every time it is bad.  It is mushy, no matter how I cook it, it still comes out pasty.  I've cooked it per instructions, still pasty.  I've cooked it less time, rinsed it in cold water, still pasty.  I've cooked it and let it set, still mushy and pasty. It may be cheap, but somehow they have taken what is essentially a very simple to make product and made it so poorly that it is inedible. I think it must be either their process, or the quality of their wheat.  Maybe it is both, but something just does not work.  I have used other store brands, like Wegmans' brand pasta, not even their premium label, just their standard label, and it comes out good every time. Of course none of it is as good as fresh made pasta, but that is a different subject comple...

What do you people want from me?  Want me to talk about politics?  To talk about Trump?  He is who he is, meet him once, many years ago, was having lunch in a place in NY City with my employer, her knew Donald.  Donald came over, I was introduced, we did not speak though.  Donald talked to my employer.  His Manor of speech that he uses is for the common folk, it endears him to his perception of his core constitutes.  That day he was loud and obnoxious to the waitress, but articulate and relatively intellectual to my employer, so take from that what you will.  He is not quite our worst president, definitely not a good leader, but he only wanted to run and win, he did not know what it takes to be an insider. The Republicans tried to get rid of Obama for eight years, so I guess it is only fair that the Democrats will try to get rid of Trump for four years.  I do not think he has the staying power.  So it is unlikely he will be around much ...

I do everything wrong, no key words in my title, no hot topics in my blog, but here I am again watching the same old shoot'em up, and the same old who done what to whom.  I don't know much about anything, I just know I keep putting these miles behind me, and no matter how far I roam, I'm still ten thousand miles from home. Hum this with a twelve four beat, it won't make it any better it will just be funny to me that some people will actually try to. What am I doing here, watching the dogs, as they go ballistic after another motorcycle, or some random noisey car.   

I did not think I would be effected.  I do not usually feel death the same as most people.  I mean people die, they go their way, and leave behind a useless cage.  I still had this weird feeling that he was going to come over and say it was okay.  He always did that, console me, tell me it will be okay, and I believed him, if even for the moment. He is silent now, not even the echo of his voice remains.  Memories linger longer, but even they will fade.  I grasp at them like reeds in a storm, the water rises, I am not a strong swimmer. They gave him a good christian burial, I know he deserved that.  What else could they do, they do not know any better, ignorant as they are.  Death is for the living, we even celebrate it.  The past fades, we slip into routines and accept the ghost as they are, memories of what they were.  Nothing remains once the remains are laid to rest. I should have said something, should have made a statement, a tes...

Here then is this article, http://tcat.tc/112or2n, which discusses the making of your own religion, or thereby another copy of such religions as has been made before.  It does not discuss the making of a religion, but the re branding of current concept of religion under a new brand.  It is still the bronze age idea of "God" based religion. You can not make your own religion, because religion has too much structure, for it to work, it must conform to the conventions of current religions.  If you read the article, read some of the comments, they are as important to the discussion.  There are plenty of comments from people who profess to be atheist, which by definition is the belief in nothing, yet they believe they are atheist, therefore negating the entire argument. The author of the article states that human beings are hardwired to be religious.  This is not exactly true, we are hardwired to believe in somethings, no matter what they are.  Religio...