I was Thinking, or Not

Cigarettes and Coffee represent a large portion of my nutritional intake.  That may not seem all that surprising to those that know me very well, as prior to my giving up drugs and alcohol, they were my only intake aside from the copious quantities of marijuana, beer and often wine and some sort of spirits. Now do not get me wrong, I have always eaten, most often for as much the appeal of the food, rather than the actual health, as I prefer those foods that are more or less than healthy depending on your particular perception of what is healthy.  I have always prefered food that was local (for the freshness more than the economics or popular reasons), that was free of additives, and usually raw or nearly so.  This is not to say that I did not eat a lot of fast food, I have definitely ingested my share of that tainted disgusting waste product that I should be quite toxic by now, still, I prefer to this day, a good diner burger over a mass produced burger.  Unfortunately there are so

Things just get messed up, and you are like, what can I do?  I do not know what to do, just sit here, nothing I can do, once again, and again.  You ever feel like you just can not seem to get past a point in time, like it seems to haunt you, like an old ghost. I'm just dancing around the subject, trying not to come to grips with truths that so often keep coming back to me in the flesh of someone else.  Watching these others implode around me, and thinking, what can I do, keep on keeping on, but I am at the end of that road too. So I run to something certain, an escape into something I can be sure of.  It is the only thing that I can grasp, that does not come with the regret for what I should be doing.  In the end it all seems like I might just not admit that all its ever been is me in my own way.  I will have to move over and let the man go through, or accept that I have nothing left to leave to anyone. Do not know what the hell I am talking about, it is just me not knowing