I was Thinking, or Not

I can only hope this will not make a difference. I hope, I dream, but what comes of it is half realized. There once was a man here that was something else, but now is as he never was, so cold, so dim, in a shadow that is unrecognized by these eyes. No matter of compensation could ever rearrange the feelings that have died. Oh yes I recognize this one, she, for what she really is, but does that matter now, no not somehow. This is the after-scene, the closing of the screen before the tolling of the bells, and after the eyes have shut out the light. There is that slight glow around objects that exist still, but even this is dimmer now. The sunlight does not matter now, it is all just a shadow of its former self. Thomas in this darkness holds close to the flame of the match, lighting another fag. His trembling is not from fear, but from the lack of drink. He shoves the matchbook back into his dirty jeans pocket, inhaling deep on the filter of his cigarette. Rocking on his heels to...

I often sit here thinking "what the fuck am I doing here", such as myself, why have I not made good on the promise of my mind. There is no telling or retelling of the story, itself a tale of no consequence, that is only to me important. Such self importance, seems to me to be the bread of the day. This is the thoughts that enter into my day, the scarce breathes of clarity in an otherwise obscure blur of consciousness. It really wasn't to long ago, although maybe to long since, that I was not what I am today. What has changed in me, some little hands that burnt the rage out of me. I was driven then by a smoke of dreadful consequence and circumstances that necessitated the need for self reliance. For this I am given of no real movement these last few years, by which means. When I was fully emerged in the study of my darkness, then I understood well the price I paid for light and brevity. It was scolding to be so forthcoming, to be so forward, given that I now find th...

Summer passes ever slowly Gracious in her green garb She dances now before me Ever always leading me on