I was Thinking, or Not

This is an open letter. It was to be something else, an observation, a goodbye to Lena, and other such things, but a recent post by my less than perfect niece has prompted me to write something all together different. This is not just to her, it also continues to be to others as well, to those that may by name know me, but not by what that I have been, seen and known, time after time, after time. So more direct, my dear child, you have no right to even begin to understand who I am, as you have no idea who I was. When you were but a thought, or not a thought as the case may have been, I was in the game, and not just a casual bystander, watching and dabbling in the games, but master of the ceremonies, directing the other players, with subtlety that I fear you do not, nor from this vantage point can not understand. But this then is but a small portion of what you should expect. From the pain and suffering, earned in time, as the toll is paid. Ah, but you want not what is truth, y...

Light up another cigarette, and drink a little more coffee. Trying to find my place in this universe, with very little success. Is it me, I wonder, because I have been doing all that I can. But it keeps getting harer to believe that it is all because of me. What is it I am supposed to do, can you tell me this? I used to wite, but that seems to pale in comparrison now to everything else it seems. I just want to raise a few animals, and grow some vegetables, maybe live a decent life. Willing to do what it takes, but what will it take. I keep thinking it must be me, something I am not doing, or something I am doing that I shouldn't be. I have given up so much, to live simplely and to have some good in my life. What is it that I have to do to please these gods of moderate success. What the fuck do you want from me? Mother I deplore you please tell me what to do. I am out of answers, and looking to you. Change the weather, turn a new leaf, done whatever I had to do. Please m...

Another Time Maybe Here I sit, smoking my cigarettes, drinking to much coffee, listening to David Bowie's "Modern Love". Putting words to the page, which may make no sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. I read the news today (oh, boy), it was the same old shoot 'em up, the same old rock and roll, so I won't bore you to much with the details. The state of the state is an economic smoke screen, the world is finding new grounds on which to establish peace of war, and the US is front and center in their own minds. People continue to go about their way, picking up shiny objects, or watching their own pathetic lives tank, feeling sorry for the empty bottle in their hands. The song changes, and I feel that it is more to the point. If I could save the world, don't you think I would really rather see it crash and burn. You know who you are, so just take up that banner, run through the streets naked and scream you are oppressed, because you are free. A...