I was Thinking, or Not

  Death’s Bloody Drum This is a work in progress.  Most of the pieces are all raw unedited and still will need some work to finish them properly.  No one cares, I know that, but there it is anyway. I have no date for release, but the drafts are here, there and everywhere, just waiting to be polished and packaged and put up for sale, someday. JD

  Another Jane I am on the bus to nowhere And she slips in beside me Her lithe frame barely there Her dress is tattered and torn She tries to smile Her sadness remains No I don’t know her name Just another lost soul She gets off at the next stop Shuffles along the aisle The driver seems annoyed I step up and pay her fare I sit back in my seat Watching her disappear I think of her sometimes When I feel I’ve had enough When life gets me down When if seems a waste I think of her half smile The sadness contained Never seen her again Likely dead in some alleyway Buried in a potter's grave Another nameless Jane JD

  Art of Blood Sports Never served, too many already eating that grit My daddy was a nurse, general’s aide forever PFC Found out later, he really was a dandy man Made no difference to me, I didn’t score that play Knew too many that ate blood guts and gore Smiled with rotted teeth, scars that do not heal Smell of cheap whiskey with cloudy eyes Streets are full of the forgotten heroes dying alone I’ve known my own hell too Though self constructed Just as real to me you see As age has taken most of my capacity Them are all gone Time is not kind The wheel grinds Their memories fade And still old fat bastards play games Churn the milk of human kindness Not sweet cream butter for bread But rotting bodies on the killing fields JD

  Pass by Me Why am I still here Just a battered ram Battered to the bone Converted to a mule Not a very good one at that With a sway back Hobbled legs and matted mane Still I force myself to remain To try to achieve anything While I watch death dance I wonder why she passes me by JD

  The Whole I am digging a hole in the ground Where I can lay my body down So, I do not have to deal With the grinding of the wheel And everything dying around me For there is no more left in me No more tears to cry No more to care for Just an empty haul That is no longer whole 41025 JD

Network, network, network, that is what they tell me. I am so far away from that anymore. Just trying to get through the day. Morning comes much too early, and my work begins with sorting out the animals.  Feed the rabbits and the chickens, make sure their water is still clean, Then I try to do some housework, it is all so overwhelming I just want to throw it all out, start over again. We have chicks, but the numbers are so disheartening. Just four out of 18 eggs hatching, not really good results, but I guess that says all there is to say about me. I will have to work harder. I will have to keep going. Day after day, as I feel the death all around me. I don't even know what I am saying anymore. I've gotten off the train, but my thoughts are still sailing.

 I am starting a new farm blog, just do not have a name for it.  I also hate typing on this keyboard. So, soon, a new blog, as soon as I fix the keyboard issue. Peace, JD

  A Sideboard Parasol  Never fear the written works That is where I work out my quirks In my head thoughts lead to death So I free them to clear my plate Therefore what is written here Or likely written anywhere Is just the ramblings of my fears Unpronounced and internal fragments Where fetid thoughts pass through Try their best to confuse and obfuscate But I am a smarter man, theses days I’ve learned to use my struggles It does not matter truth in here Deep within this eternal abyss It is swirling waves of fear and dread Clogging up my mental capacity. No matter what is reality, The sun the moon, eternity All of this I have seen And there is no coming back, From that. Dec 6, 2021 James E. Doud

  Dogs in a Box The dogs, the dogs, They live in a box, Where they are fed. The dogs, the dogs, They beg, they beg, To go, to go outside. Outside, outside Where they run away, In their heads, they run. They run, they run, away,  Tethered to their box. Inside, inside, inside their box, They sleep, they eat, and dream. Inside the box, they are running free, In their heads they are running free. One day they will get away, One day they will run free. One day they will run through fields. And I will put them in their box. One last time. Dec 5, 2021 James E. Doud

Here I am pouring Ginger Beer I made into a Glass.  It is not a very exciting video, but the content of the bottle is more important to me than the video of it going into a glass.  This was a twenty (20) day ferment, with about three days in the bottle.  It has been charged with my own mix of ginger and 10X sugar, and left for three days.  The first day, I tried some, it was very rough.  Today, I can honestly say that it is much smoother, and I think if I were to ramp this up a bit, to about 3 gallons (7 liters) I could age some of this in a wine bottle for about 6 or 8 weeks and see if it gets much smoother by then. I really think if I could start using a barley based mix it would come out with much more body, and about the same ABV.  I can't say what this is, but probably close to 3-4% ABV like a cheap wine.  That is what I got from it right off, is that it tasted like a cheap box wine.  Now it has mellowed a little, and has more of a ginger bee...

Upon first opening the campaign websites I can say this much, the Trump site is about Trump and only him, the Biden site indicates that it is aware I am from NY State and it is a cleaner more upbeat presentation. However neither one of them have any real answers to policy issues up front.  They are both just asking for donations, and you have to dig for data. This is a mistake, they both are reading my cookie data, both have access to marketing data, and neither one of them are making use of it properly.  If they really want to swing voters, they really need to utilize the technology to really target the voter, by targeting their campaign sites appropriately to the user. Just from my IP address they should at least know that I am from upstate NY, as my IP pings as Spectrum from Syracuse, NY. They should know I am a spectrum customer, as well.  My location should at least reveal a few issues that would be important to me.  If they continue further into the data avail...

I think I have come to the point where the web is no longer useful to me.  If I go to a page and it pops up their fucking "look at me" shit, or anything else, or they run those fucking video ads, I am done with it.  This is limiting my experience on the web, to the point where I do not think I will be on the web for much longer. Everything is all about the fucking mobile shit, really, I do not own a fucking phone, and likely never will again, at least until they really are smart phones, and figure out a better interface than this fucking touch shit. Apparently going to school was a waste of time, because all that learning words and shit, I could have just stayed with the pictures of a child, and learned nothing about words, because apparently words are highly overrated. I really think I have had enough of this world, it is rather pathetic, and the generations that are coming along are going to be so fucking stupid I will not be able to tolerate the dumbfucks.  Hey ...

First off, why the fuck do these fuckers have to keep ucking with this shit, really pick a fucking look and stay with it.  Every fucking time I go to use this fucking thing they have changed it, so I have to figure out where everything is again.  Stop fucking with shit.  I think the problem is these fucking software people are to bored so they keep fucking with the shit, instead of finding something else to do.  This is never a problem in the manual labor world, because they are way to busy and work too hard, to worry about making shit look different all the time. So yea, what I really came here for is to say that I am never going to be a cheese maker, and I do not believe that anyone would have ever made cheese if it required you to stand there stirring the fucking shit for almost an hour.  These fucking idiots that write this shit now days are so full of themselves and so full of shit, there is no way people who had few hundred other things to do, sat around s...

Part 1 Upon a hill we may rise, to see the devastation that below us lies.  After the sun set upon this civilisation, what remains is the remnants of the humans and the rise of what comes after.  There are always echoes of the before, after the next wave comes. We thought all too much of ourselves. That was our short sightedness.  I shall not claim glory, for what remains is often only the worried and tired, waiting for the inevitable end. Part 2 Slit her wrist to see the blood.  She sighs, it is better to see the in without, than to let the out in.  It runs down her arm, thick and warm, not like blood at all, but more congealed.  The light is dim, yet it reflects off the crimson trail on her arm. It takes very little time for the pills to work.  Combined with the alcohol it speeds the suppression to the brain, which slows the respiration.  One breath labors to be known, the next may be the last or perhaps two more. She attempts t...

Thank you, and good night.  I am done, you idiots are just too fucking stupid to even realize you do not know how to wipe your own asses.  Sit in your shit and call it roses, fucking idiots. Fuck Off JD

Peasants are fucking stupid, and should not have the means to enter any part of the political process.  These fucking retards that think breaking up Google is good for the company should look at the break up of Standard Oil, Bell Telephone, and those are just the big ones.  Sure it might have seemed like a good idea at the time, and the workers thought they were going to get bonuses for being behind the break up, but all they actually got was unemployment checks.  Look it up, you pictury fucktards.  This is where the big tech companies made their mistakes.  Peasants have to be miserable, if they are not mistreated, oppressed, and miserable, they will seek out a way to correct that issue, usually at the cost of those of us that are trying to get through this charade they call life, with relative peace. I am out of this shit, you fucking people are far too sucking stupid to even save yourselves from your own ignorance.  I am not talking about breaking up G...

I am back from the land of lost URL's, and I do not believe I will be going there again.  This whole maintaining a URL is just too much to think about, and since I do not earn anything from the blog, why pay an additional 1.00 a month to just post a bunch of shit no one is going to read anyway. Peace Out JD

Hey, let us all take an interest in this election, won't that be a hoot.  I'm just looking into the Democratic front runners, but I will be looking at them and others for a while. Let's hang out and see what tomorrow brings In the first feel, Biden vs Sanders, it is a east coast vs west coast your of thing.  They are both neocon Democrats with liberal tendencies.  I think, just napkin thinking here, that Biden could have the edge, but Sanders has the cleaner past.  They are not old boy southern Dems, or dyed in the wool blue bloods, or even staunch conservative whip politicians either, so what the hell are they. Shall we dig a little deeper and find out?  Of course we should, and the rest of the political scene.  I am going to avoid the politics of the Republicans for now, it is just too volitile to touch right at the moment, even for me. And one other thing, I am now looking at the markets again, so yea, that might skip into my account as well, just sa...

At some point you come to realize that most your life was spent thinking you were creative, and the truth was hidden because the people you count on to be honest are not.  If there is anything I learned from all these years wasted, it is that you can not trust the judgement of anyone, they all have their reasons to lie. At least I can still do manual labor, but even that is rather outdated as the age of mechanism is upon us.  The more I think about it, the more I wonder why did I waste so much time, when I could have been such a good ditch digger.  Now there is nothing but waiting for whatever happens when I have no purpose.  I do not think I care enough to wonder too much. Peace JD

Bethesda must be under a lot of pressure to release the Elderscolls 6, especially after the debacle that Fallout 76, is and Fallout 4 was.  They have been so focused on trying to make some type of micro-transaction system work, that they lost track of the goal of just make great games. With the cash they had they should have bought a couple of the mid grade developers from the app world, and then they could have gotten on the app train.  It is too late for that now, and they just do not have the in-house talent to get it done it seems. So that leaves them with little option but to get back to the work they know they can do, making great games.  At least that is the thought of a reasonable person.  The trouble is the people that are at the top of the industry are not and have never been gamers.  They just do not have a handle on what makes a great game.    All they understand is charts of profit and loss.  They see other companies making mon...