I was Thinking, or Not

Why am I here, where I am at, this place, domesticated dogs, small children, these trappings of an ordinary life.  I dip for a moment into the silence of the mind, the horrid places that at once are subtle and sublime, only to be reminded by the pater of chatter that I am not what I used to be. That was then, and what use do you serve me now, with the wind beneath your wings, away and doing things.  Even then, of what use were you to me.  There was a brief moment when I entertained the thought of your physical space.  A fleeting moment when a spark was ignited, almost to a flame, quelled with steel and presence of mind.  Even now, I could see no other purpose for your existence but for the loin of your thighs. This is said with the knowledge that you are far too far from the point of return, and I am far too far from caring any more.  Then what of all these other mundane entertainments.  What are they but distractions from the simple and pure. ...

Just a bit of personal information.  I am an introvert who likes to play the extrovert through any means that allows me to maintain a safe distance from the society that I am forced to exist in.  That said, it may explain some things, most likely it only leaves more questions.

Finally after 5 days of viewing reviews and looking at hundreds of options, I decided on a new pen.  Amazing I know, why should I agonize over something like a pen, when I have a computer.  Well I will get into that later. First I had pretty quickly narrowed it down to the Parker IM and the Lamy Safari as far as the pens went.  Both of them seem to be good pens for the money, really costing about the same.  They both require a converter to allow them to be used with an ink bottle, so that was not a consideration.  It really came down to, the Parker looks a little more classic, while the Lamy looks a little more modern.  I prefer the more classic look of the Parker, that is all that can be established right now.  My hope is that it will perform well enough that I will never have to make the comparison, but I might anyway someday. I agree with many people, these are decent pens for the money, I am not expecting above $100.00 feel or perfor...

Which pens are best? - Slate Magazine : 'via Blog this' This is a reference article that will be included in my search for a writing pen.  It is a very entertaining look at pens, with some interesting information.

In the end the warrior rejected me, and I rode away in silence, to the hum of the sunset.  It was but to this, I was given, as they that would have my coin would close in on me, to only find nothing, and for this they would have persecuted me, had I not been so lacking of fear that their munitions had no effect on me. I pushed on, into the darkness, deeper than before I had traveled.  Deep within the recess of the interior self I lingered, waiting, until at some point, it would claim me completely.  With no one left to save me from myself, it was inevitable that I would become depraved and anti-social. My hair is grey, it grows still, although my body wilts from age.  The soft tendrils of smoke that still rise from the chimney, are all the evidence that remains of my existence.  This is how it should be, alone and distant from humanity, as it should have been from the very beginning. That is all I can give to you, my long tim...

I just want to forget, all that is behind me. I don't want to think, feel or care, but slide into the darkness. I am forced into this existence, this place where I must pretend to like my place. I have had my life dictated by children, and I am through with it. I just want to forget, and be forgotten.

I ponder the case of the human race, why we haven't cease to exist already.  The simple fact is that we will not consider that which we have lost or even stand to lose until it is all behind us.  We are retroactive in our behavior, reacting to situations, not acting upon the conditions that before us are often so obvious that are obviously not to be believed. The state of our food, the condition and supply of our water, these things should be of considerable concern to us as humans.  These should be foremost upon our minds as we go through our lives, and consider the lives of our children and grandchildren.  They are but the most obvious of conditions we should have acted upon years ago, for I fear that it is too late. We are quite likely headed on a crash course to mass extinction  the human race and quite likely many other species with us, are very near the point of no return.  We may have passed that point already, it is hard to tell....

So, I noticed that my readership has plummeted in the past few days, and well I haven't written anything in the past few days, so I guess that makes sense.  I don't always have something to say about everything, or at least anything good to say.  I often could be very critical about things, but I am trying not to slip back into that cynical self that existed once before. What am I saying, have you read the blog lately, really, because if you had you would realize that I am just as cynical as I always have been, only less vocal about it.  Or in the case of the web log, less prolific about it. On other things, I still have not yet figured out the Google+ pages, or communities, much less a way to use the hangouts to have a live poetry reading.  What I wanted to create was a place on the web where people could come, hang out, drink coffee (coffee would be a requirement, or should be) and talk about literature, poetry (sometimes barely considered worthy of ...

Ok, so no progress on any writing today.  Well I posted to three blogs (counting this one) with an actual total of about 6 post (including this one).  I also commented on a few things on G+ as well, so that is sort of like writing anyway.  Have you ever seen any of my comments? So yea, well not a very productive day, and as far as most things are concerned it is really just about over.  I guess I will try for a better day tomorrow, I am just too nerved up today to do anything it seems.  Maybe I will look at editing some things, no, even that takes just too much calm and that is hard to come by.  It took me three days of pretty intensive calming just to get myself set so I could produce what I did yesterday, and now I think it is going to take that much again.  I don't know why I can not seem to write in the amid of the turmoil and stress, I used to, I used to thrive on it.  Well not really, I was always calm, enhanced often by drugs and alcohol...

This here is a small snippet from my current work, while it is in draft.  It may be quite some time before this one actually sees publication as it is a long work, and there is most likely many revisions yet to go even after I have completed the first or second draft.  This is just to see if there is any interest out there, well no not really, it is just because I wanted to, but I will most likely release a few other choice chunks as it develops, nothing to telling, but just enough to show the color of the canvas. Coincidentally at this point I don't even know if this will make it to the final copy, as it is very raw, and nothing is quite yet set in type so to speak.  So here it is, please comment if you find it at all interesting, as any interest will be met with my usual response, which often is none at all, but maybe, just maybe, if I feel giving, I might respond.  The most likely response will be the release of additional bits and pieces, which might happen an...

I am using this as some excuse to write, for I have far too many excuses not to write.  Although this will not produce any work of consequence, it will hopefully assist in breaking the habit of not doing anything. I make no promises that I will write anything consistently, but that for the moment I will write this and everything thereafter will be completely accidental. As if it isn't already apparent, I am reading "The Beautiful and Dammed" by F. Scott Fitzgerald, again. With my older eyes, and by the standards of what I have lived these 20 some odd years since last cracking the cover of this tome, it appears as much more of a novel novel than it did the first time.  The book could be described as the inspiration of Seinfeld, as it is a book that is much to do about nothing.  Still as I wade my way through this literary classic, and knowing the author, both as a child of literature and now as a fervent consumer of literature, it un...

I got up at 7:00 this morning, because I wanted to have time to myself, because that is when I write the best.  It is now 7:50, and I am just now starting to write in this blog.  Most of the time has been spent catering to the dogs.  As much as I like the little dogs, and I do like them, they are consumers, consumers of time, consumers of food, consumers of needs. The computer is the same way, I turned it on at about 7:15 this morning, and it was at least a 1/2 hour before I was able to really use it, even if I could have.  Most of that is my fault, I run lots of scans at start up, virus scans, clean-up scans, and I also have lots of start-up programs, like networked drives and cloud services. In fact I do a lot of things that get in my own way.  I have yet to figure them all out, but they are there because I am for the most part my own worst enemy.  Just like this blog which is rambling and headed no where, I get in my own way.  I should be talki...

I am on my way to making TesV Skyrim as difficult as it can be.  I am using available mods, and looking at what I will need to do to make it more difficult and deadly.  I am still having some problems with the playability, but I have lowered the graphics settings and that seems to have helped some.  I am still having mod issues, but I will work them out eventually.  Once I have built the new gaming rig I will then be able to pump the graphics up to the max and it will not only be brutal, but beautiful as well. One of the things I am doing is starting from nothing, with nothing, and with no help from either faction.  This is made possible by the Alternate Start Mod “Live Another Life”.  I like this mod, and have tried a couple different starting points, but the left for dead start is by far my favorite.  The only problem I have even with that is that it starts you still with the fire and health magic, but that is okay, you do not have to use them. I ha...

While I am not one to usually chime in on this, I would like to at least give a few words about the commercial potential for industrial hemp. I myself was a user of pot, the kind you smoke to get “high”, but I have given that up in pursuit of more useful things, such as clear thought and persistent memory.  However over the years I have investigated and learned that there is great potential in industrial hemp. With the spotlight currently on the proposals being presented by Colorado, Washington, and Oregon, as test cases for the medical use, and possible recreational use of marijuana, I thought I would again consider the potential for commercial production of industrial hemp.  Although there is greater potential for the production of medical marijuana, there is still exceptional value and potential in the production of industrial hemp. Simple Over Easy Hemp Shoes (Rock Grey) - Men's Shoes - 8.0 M (Google Affiliate Ad) Although I would like to go into the whole debate, (n...

So the post season ends for the Yankees, with a disappointing loss to the Tigers.  Not a surprising result to most fans, as the Yankees are getting on with no new trades of late.  They will most likely look to find new blood next year, although not turning out some of the best, they may add some new names to the roster. Going to be watching the NY teams play today, Bills, Giants, and Jets all play today, and I will be keeping an eye on them throughout the day.  Not much of a Bills fan, or Giants really, the Jets game will be the one I am most interested in. Beyond the games, I wonder what we will have to eat with the game.  I haven't gone to the store today, but I have to before the Jets game.  Maybe pizza and wings, that might be good for the day.  Why do we need such things for games, why can't we just watch the game without food?  Why does food go so good with football? Well, whatever the reason, I have to go downtown to g...

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Whatever Tomorrow I was going to write another EW post, but things just got in the way.  I was going to write a rant but if just fizzled out with the rain. I happen to be reading something I wrote on Google+ and the comments that were made.  It is funny to me to read my own writing.  Sometimes I don't recognize it, like it was not me that wrote that piece of philosophical bullshit.  I sometimes wax poetic about the most esoteric things, and then just let it go, fly away crappy bullshit, I am glad you have found your way.  Then someone will take it to heart, and I have to re-read it, because I was certain this time there was nothing in it that was meaningful. I re-read it, and low and behold I have written some more philosophical bullshit.  Someone will ask me if I care, do I have feelings at all.  Yes, but you don't really know me, and I don't really know you, so let us leave it at, I'm an asshole, and you are just an irritating idiot. In this...

EW2: Diary of a Alchemist If I were a rich man, I would buy stupid things, like a  Bodum French Press, 12 oz. (Google Affiliate Ad) coffee maker, and a Bodum Bistro Black Burr Grinder (Google Affiliate Ad) .  I don’t like the grinders I have had in the past, always trying to grind the coffee too fast.  This generates heat, and burns the grind before it even touches the heat of the water.  Is this too much to ask.  If I were a wealthy man, like a sultan or a king, or better still like a priest, I would make coffee every morning for myself and anyone who stopped by, as long as they brought some sort of treat. I would buy my coffee in large sacks, 50 lbs at least, a 100 kilo or so most often, and in the green, and roast it myself, in a roasting house.  The smoky flavors would waft upon the wind, calling out to princes and peasants and bakers of all sorts.  I would blend my coffee as I pleased for the moment, although more often than not, it would be a ...

Experimental Writing 1 I am starting a new series I am calling experimental writing.  The number at the end indicates the edition.  Since this is the introduction, it contains this bit at the beginning, but future editions will not, they will just be the writing.  What I am attempting to do here is produce some experimental works that I think might work out later into something more polished.  They also might be just character development, or plot development, it is all experimental. On With the Show I have been having trouble with this lately, it seems I have more self imposed obstacles than I should have, and they are all very difficult to break.  Sometimes it is time, that seems to be in the way, sometimes its space.  The closer I get to the beginning the more it seems I cannot find the time or the space to complete what I want to start.  It does leave one wondering why does this not seem to work, the way it used to. There was a time when I was muc...

This is from a G+ post that I am commenting on, it would seem that one of the people in my stream is having their "art" censored by G+ stating it is pornography.  I do not know how long this debate will continue, but I thought I would capture some of it here as well. Interesting as I have yet to be given a definition of pornography.  I note that it always comes with a derogatory connotation  but other than that, what the hell is pornography. I actually haven't really noticed your art much on the stream, as there is so much nudity, it really doesn't seem to matter much to me.  I can filter it if I want, but I generally just ignore it, unless it is interesting.  With minor exceptions, I do not term it pornography, as I am not able to define that term easily. I could go into a bunch of limits, evocative pictures depicting children in a sexual manner, would be my limit, I am not of that ilk, but I suppose for some that is their thing, and I am...