I was Thinking, or Not

I am so frigging tired, I can barely hold my head up to write this.  I have been writing other things mostly in the mornings, before starting to work.  Now with the approach of summer weather, it may be better that I should work in the morning, and then write in the afternoon.  The trouble is that I have lately not got much sleep, and with this and the stresses we have been through recently, it has been hard to sleep well.  Last night I slept well, but got up too late, so much of the day was gone before I could even get started. Still I have had some time to think about things, because often I have to sit and watch the sheep while they graze outside the fence.  So much idle time provides me with insight sometimes on things I observe, and while I have written about them on paper, I have not as yet committed them to the blogs.  This is something I should do soon, but for now, I am really just writing this to try and keep myself awake.  Now why would I...

I will no longer be posting all my blogs to the various services, instead, either you find it or you do not.  I am going to post to my blogs as I choose, when I choose, and with no set pattern.  If you are really interested in what I have to post, subscribe, if not so be it, thank you all for stopping by. Peace JD

I spent some time talking with Mosey, a local member of a local Amish community around where we live now.  He is a very fascinating person, and I find that talking with him I recapture some of that old feeling of being the observer.  I like that, and it reminds me that I can still be outside the self, apart from the people. People used to fascinate me.  They used to be something I would find interest in, but only from a distance.  When I let them get close it destroys the effect, and I have to feel, and that makes it difficult to remain objective.  Objectivity is of utmost importance to me, it allows me to see better, and not be involved with the vision.  I think that may be a psychopathic tendency that is latent in everyone, it only is recognized in some, and in others it can be hyper active, but they do not do well in this world generally, or really well, if they are in the right social cycles. I am careful to understand myself as much as anyone else...

Careful thoughts have gone into this, that I know not of, wonder where it leads, from end to end and if this fantasy that appears like reality is really what it seems. I have listened to the heads of one side and the heads of the other, with very little conclusive results.  There is no God, but that does not negate the existence of gods, such as they are.  Through all of this the use of darkness as a metaphor is often overused, and I do not believe that it signifies much beyond the absence of light, the visible light.  What used to be easy to see, has been clouded by perception and perhaps even by age and cynicism.  Maybe I have chosen to cease to believe in something that at one time appeared to be more real, but not seems like there is no evidence of it at all.  Yet there is still that niggling of a feeling that I am certain that there is something I have forgotten, that only awaits my awaking from the slumber I have chosen to live within. It became rathe...

Warning ridiculous rant coming in this post! I am done with this bullshit software.  I am not logging in to another site, if I have logged in once, that should do it, if your algorithm can not handle security better than that, then do not penalize me.  If I use a different device, my laptop or my tablet and I have used them before do not ask me to log in, I am done with that.  If you ask me to log in, I am done with the service, I do not need your shit. The other thing is that if I am doing something, I do not care what else you are processing, as the user, I am the only thing that matters, therefore focus should remain with what I am requesting.  If I move my cursor, follow it, wait for me to do something, do not change my focus, do not insert windows, do not send alerts, unless I am not doing something.  I have four fucking cores on this thing, you would think at this point in computing they could at least devote one core to user input and paying attentio...

As time goes on I realize that it has been a lot of mind, and very little spirit that has gotten us where we are.  However the advances have mostly been those of the spirit, and it is when we use mind that we maintain, and often lose, albeit at less rate than if we lose spirit. I think a lot about God, gods, and all the trappings of various religions, and they all have their trappings, but even with the most sublime of them, they fall short of the mark.  They try to order chaos, which is about like trying to make water go uphill.  Yes it is possible to make water go uphill, but is it really worth it.  With the exception of a well, which is of course an uphill climb for water, is it really worth the effort to go against the flow of water? I have not allowed the spirit to move me of late, it has all been in the head.  While to be truthful it is all in your mind, the heart has no function but to pump blood (water), there is something to the literary sense of h...

What the fuck is wrong with today, all I want to listen to is music from my youth.  You know it is a bad day when you start out with "Bartender Blues" by the Possum (GJ), and move right on to Willie Nelson's "You Were Always on my Mind" in remembrance of a sheep. Then I sit here and listen to James Taylor, Crosby, Stills and Nash, right on into Cat Stevens, and I am doing the dishes.  Reading some of the comments I wonder, what the hell is wrong with people, I have had my fill of people, just do not want to interact with them anymore.  Sometimes it seems like everyone is okay on the web, and then I think, well shit they are out there, in their little fox holes, waiting for the next troll to land a near miss. Watching the "Voice" the other day, I realize that most of the people I know as great artist would not make it in today's music scene.  How sad would it have been if we had never had Jim Croce, or Jimi Hendrix?  Certainly would not have th...

There are some things that I have purchased that I do not have buyers remorse from, but I can tell you that if I did not buy it on sale or at a discount, I would not have and will not most likely ever buy it again. The other day I purchased a Cookies and Cream cake from Price Chopper in Gouverneur, NY, in the "day-old-bakery" rack for 50% off the retail price.  Now I have done this in the past with some items, mostly breads, and they have been great, sometimes a little less than "uber" fresh, but if you are looking for a nice loaf of crusty bread for dinner and you do not want to wait till tomorrow, this is the best place to find it.  This is quite expected, and exactly what I expect from that rack of baked goods, so I am not generally surprised, although I have been, but for other reasons. So this last week, well really two days ago, I purchased this abomination, and it was something I will not do in the future.  Sure I will still purchase the breads, but I wi...

For quite some time I have written on this blog, maintaining a certain decorum, if you want to call it that.  Well that is about to end.  I should say, that actually it about to end, but not on this blog, this will continue to my main blog for general stuff and light headed observations, but I do have a blog on blogspot that has sat dormant for a while, and it is going to get brought back to life, as a no holds barred blog taken on whatever I think I need to say without apology, without consideration for what it might mean to others, or to me, it sometimes just has to be what it is. So I will post the link here once, once I get the blog ready, and then from then on, it will be on its own, so if you want to follow it, that will be the best time. Thank you for hanging with me, and hope to hang out some more. Peace JD

After reading some of my more recent post and comments on certain forums and facebook updates, I realized that the person I was trying to emulate was not the person I am, and the person I am is more and more rearing his horse, ready to take on the challengers.  I have been sitting quietly beside this stream of consciousness for quite a few years, and only those that knew me when knew how I could be about things and such.  Well I am not who I was trying to be, I am not a nice guy, who just sits there listening to these idiots and there line of bull shit.  I am who I am, and I guess weather I want to or not, I will be the person I am without compromise. So, yea you can expect that I have taken the gloves off, and I will be calling it like I see it from now on, and if you get hurt along the way, I am not sorry, for the damage is not of my doing, it is because you were afraid to face the truth that before you long stood. Thank you and good night JD

People I know are like "don't you want to get out, go to town, maybe see people or something, don't you get cabin fever staying home all the time, I would go stir crazy if I didn't get out at least once a day or so, and so on and so forth..." And I'm like "no" It is not that I dislike people, really, and everyone knows in today's world you have to go to the store to buy everything, but it does not make me want to, or like it.  I do not even like to take deliveries of things I have ordered, because I just do not want to be disturbed.  People disturb me, because they can not help themselves, and I have to be pleasant, because it is the fastest way to get them on their way without later repercussions. I do not like interacting with people much, not exactly anti-social, just not really keen on trying to act pleasant to people all the time.  I like my place here, where I am secluded from all the drama and activity of ordinary people living ord...

So yea I know this is not really not my normal post, but I am working to increase the subscription rate on my blogs, as well as decrease the bounce rate.  I have watched a couple of videos, but they really didn't have much information that was useful. However this blog buffersocial really seems to have a good amount of useful information, as well as a unique product if you are interested in that as well.  Their post 7 Simple and Proven Tips to Increase Your Blog Subscribers , is well presented with lots of graphic elements and fairly good copy.  My only issue is that they include a slide in box, which I do not like, and the content seems more geared to being content for the purpose of getting you to their site, rather than because they are really creating original content. As anyone that actually reads my blogs, I am not about getting people to read or subscribe to my blog, but that I am just creating content, and if you read it, thank you, but that is not why I pub...

I do not know if there is a more dangerous statement than "it seemed like a good idea at the time".  Not just pertaining to governments, though that is usually where it is most often used and most often the most devastating, but even in our own lives, it can be as damaging.  It is right up there with "I'm sorry", and other such statements. While there are certainly some genuine people out there that have had many of those times, and they really are regretful for the consequences of their previous actions, it does not negate that in almost every case, it only demonstrates a lack of forethought.  You can can worry things, but worry is not the same thing as forethought.  It is not planning, or fear based, it is thinking, thinking, what will this do for my grandchildren.  That is simple to do, takes almost no time at all, and if it turns out that the risk is not worth the reward to your grandchildren, well it is not probably worth the effort or risk to you either...

Everything is about sex, these days, or so it seems.  Really it always has been, and why shouldn't it be.  Let us face it, sex is what we are here for.  All the virtuous and righteous morality stripped away, like any other animal on this rock, we are here to reproduce little carbon copies of our species.  This is how we survive, our immortality is our offspring.  Offspring created through the process of procreation, or sex. No matter how we attempt to hide the basest of emotions, we humans are sexual creatures.  So it only makes sense that when advertising came along it would play to that emotion.  What is love, it can not be defined, but we all know what sex is, even as a child you have a vague idea, and as you grow older and are bombarded with sexual images and references, you start to get the purpose you were brought into this world for.  All the work we do, is so we can have sex. It does not matter if you only have sex once, the drive to ...

Wow, what a morning huh, I have written three other blog post, two pages of my novel, and now I am through with my work, for the most part.  I have some other work to do, but that is really waiting for other things, like the guy to deliver the hay, and such. So now I am free to explore the where-with-all of things that may be happening, but I feel like doing nothing of the kind.  Do you ever just not want to know what is outside your little world.  Ah, maybe too many do, but alas, that is not my fate, for I am faced with the world and it pushes its face into my vision, no matter how well I shutter my windows, and lock all my doors. I have not even given my email all but a cursory glance, just to see if there was anything that was important there, and oh yea, it is Sunday, so no there was not anything at all of interest. So, what is of interest today?  Hmm, not much, I think I will troll around the internet, looking for some interesting sites of no consequence,...

Cigarettes and Coffee represent a large portion of my nutritional intake.  That may not seem all that surprising to those that know me very well, as prior to my giving up drugs and alcohol, they were my only intake aside from the copious quantities of marijuana, beer and often wine and some sort of spirits. Now do not get me wrong, I have always eaten, most often for as much the appeal of the food, rather than the actual health, as I prefer those foods that are more or less than healthy depending on your particular perception of what is healthy.  I have always prefered food that was local (for the freshness more than the economics or popular reasons), that was free of additives, and usually raw or nearly so.  This is not to say that I did not eat a lot of fast food, I have definitely ingested my share of that tainted disgusting waste product that I should be quite toxic by now, still, I prefer to this day, a good diner burger over a mass produced burger.  Unfortun...

Things just get messed up, and you are like, what can I do?  I do not know what to do, just sit here, nothing I can do, once again, and again.  You ever feel like you just can not seem to get past a point in time, like it seems to haunt you, like an old ghost. I'm just dancing around the subject, trying not to come to grips with truths that so often keep coming back to me in the flesh of someone else.  Watching these others implode around me, and thinking, what can I do, keep on keeping on, but I am at the end of that road too. So I run to something certain, an escape into something I can be sure of.  It is the only thing that I can grasp, that does not come with the regret for what I should be doing.  In the end it all seems like I might just not admit that all its ever been is me in my own way.  I will have to move over and let the man go through, or accept that I have nothing left to leave to anyone. Do not know what the hell I am talking about, i...

Just a little lesson before I go, well I am not really going anywhere soon, but you know it sounded good in my head. Anyway here is a little bit of advice.  Be careful who you talk to, they just might be smarter than you, I know I have run aground this many times myself.  While it is generally good to converse with those that are smart, getting into a debate with them is an exercise in futility.  Of course there are times when we all need such a humbling experience, and as a student of life, I welcome such discord, it reminds me of who I really am. Well that is about it, just a little thing to keep you thinking, because when the mind stops turning the heart will have no reason to go on pumping blood to the brain.

Whilst I am on a roll, I might as roll with it... hmm, let us play with this scheme. The birds are in the counting house, counting out there troubles, while the king is in the pantry, shooting syrup and honey.  The maid is in the way, and she will have no suitor, for the queen is secretly desiring her long lost first desiring.  And I am sitting in the tower, with fools for which there is tiring, for there were no remorse for his majesties humor retiring.  The princess and the prince, poor sots, are the ones that learn to fall from the grace that should they be supporting. I look upon these fools before me, and wonder how they wail, with their tongues cut out they moan so loud it did not serve it purpose.  You must be dumb to have come to this place with earnest, for nothing is true, it is all reviewed by the countess and her cooky.  The lamb is dead, he is offered to the pheasant and the serpent, but the lion lives, for the time it seems, by hiding in the t...

It is almost 6:30 in the morning and here I sit waiting for the coffee, and wondering why do I do nothing all the time.  My nothing is interspersed with a few things here or there, a load of dishes, taking the dogs out, feeding the sheep, those sorts of things, but most of the time it is just nothing, a whole lot of nothing. We all do too much nothing.  I notice that with everyone one I meet.  I ask them what is up, they say nothing really, just the same old thing, a whole lot of nothing.  We all want to seem busy, but we really do not know how to be really busy.  We are unoccupied, even at our jobs, we are not tasked with much more than just sitting there doing nothing that matters anyways. I remember reading in the Tao "do nothing and nothing will be undone" and for the life of me I could not figure out what the hell that meant.  It took me a long time of contemplating it before I really began to even get the most rudimentary understanding of the mea...